Block

ID: 16596 Next >>

Hash: 75646B35C128E7A65AA9555FD51C58E8EDA23A1E3F071501DECEDD20ADC00000

Date: Aug. 28, 2025

By: 0FD6DB8BEA6901A6498D39723EE07661EC22C2A75A15138D5676888BC4ACC4DE

Prev hash: 0339AE069E1E53676B64C1EB3C753D806715B0BC97D00A6BA42F0E0C59756800

Type: transaction

Domain: <D76FDAB0F9D31B265EDDBE77B6B516C844E71E93A720BEF5D892E6039BE4E38D>.merch

Raw transaction:


{
  "class": "domain",
  "identity": "D76FDAB0F9D31B265EDDBE77B6B516C844E71E93A720BEF5D892E6039BE4E38D",
  "confirmation": "007F81C6F991EACBAC1754311C10D9E5A332E00200767721829870483C7ECBF8",
  "signing": "0FD6DB8BEA6901A6498D39723EE07661EC22C2A75A15138D5676888BC4ACC4DE",
  "encryption": "AAB9726E514D4788BF327E7E5D1E23DF19C00E8F2BAA537EA10EC1D524D84103",
  "data": {
    "encrypted": "40D1AEA6C6B4A25F3A2D6D6B84DF504B55C54DBF938FFD63BB4E0C76405CEA67BEC114123841E7C35612431F47BA7FA35785084DF74F65F89CD621366293442A7307FA540CCE8AEA",
    "zone": "merch",
    "info": "The Master and Margarita, BOOK 1, ch 12\nby Mikhail Bulgakov, 1891-1940\nTranslated by:\nRichard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky",
    "records": [
      {
        "type": "TXT",
        "domain": "maybe.merch",
        "data": "Chapter 12\nBlack Magic and Its Exposure.\n A small man in a yellow bowler-hat full of holes and with a pear-shaped,\nraspberry-coloured nose, in checkered trousers and patent-leather shoes, rolled\nout on to the stage of the Variety on an ordinary two-wheeled bicycle. To the\nsounds of a foxtrot he made a circle, and then gave a triumphant shout, which\ncaused his bicycle to rear up. After riding around on the back wheel, the little man\nturned upside down, contrived while in motion to unscrew the front wheel and\nsend it backstage, and then proceeded on his way with one wheel, turning the\npedals with his hands.\n On a tall metal pole with a seat at the top and a single wheel, a plump blonde\nrolled out in tights and a little skirt strewn with silver stars, and began riding in a\ncircle. As he met her, the little man uttered cries of greeting, doffing his bowler-hat\nwith his foot.\n Finally, a little eight-year-old with an elderly face came rolling out and began\nscooting about among the adults on a tiny two-wheeler furnished with an\nenormous automobile horn.\n After making several loops, the whole company, to the alarming drum-beats of\nthe orchestra, rolled to the very edge of the stage, and the spectators in the front\nrows gasped and drew back, because it seemed to the public that the whole trio\nwith its vehicles was about to crash down into the orchestra pit.\n But the bicycles stopped just at the moment when the front wheels threatened\nto slide into the abyss on the heads of the musicians. With a loud shout of \u2018Hup!\u2019\nthe cyclists jumped off their vehicles and bowed, the blonde woman blowing kisses\nto the public, and the little one tooting a funny signal on his horn.\n Applause shook the building, the light-blue curtain came from both sides and\ncovered the cyclists, the green \u2018Exit\u2019 lights by the doors went out, and in the web of\ntrapezes under the cupola white spheres lit up like the sun. It was the\nintermission before the last part.\n The only man who was not the least bit interested in the wonders of the Giulli\nfamily\u2019s cycling technique was Grigory Danilovich Rimsky. In complete solitude he\nsat in his office, biting his thin lips, a spasm passing over his face from time to\ntime. To the extraordinary disappearance of Likhodeev had now been added the\nwholly unforeseen disappearance of Varenukha.\n Rimsky knew where he had gone, but he had gone and \u2026 not come back!\nRimsky shrugged his shoulders and whispered to himself:\n \u2018But what for?\u2019\n And it was strange: for such a practical man as the findirector, the simplest\nthing would, of course, have been to call the place where Varenukha had gone and\nfind out what had befallen him, yet until ten o\u2018clock at night he had been unable\nto force himself to do it.\n At ten, doing outright violence to himself, Rimsky picked up the receiver and\nhere discovered that his telephone was dead. The messenger reported that the\nother telephones in the building were also out of order. This certainly unpleasant,\nthough hardly supernatural, occurrence for some reason thoroughly shocked the\nfindirector, but at the same time he was glad: the need to call fell away.\n Just as the red light over the findirector\u2019s head lit up and blinked, announcing\nthe beginning of the intermission, a messenger came in and informed him of the\nforeign artiste\u2019s arrival. The findirector cringed for some reason, and, blacker than\na storm cloud, went backstage to receive the visitor, since there was no one else to\nreceive him.\n Under various pretexts, curious people kept peeking into the big dressing room\nfrom the corridor, where the signal bell was already ringing. Among them were\nconjurers in bright robes and turbans, a skater in a white knitted jacket, a\nstoryteller pale with powder and the make-up man.\n The newly arrived celebrity struck everyone by his marvellously cut tailcoat, of a\nlength never seen before, and by his having come in a black half-mask. But most\nremarkable of all were the black magician\u2019s two companions: a long checkered one\nwith a cracked pince-nez, and a fat black cat who came into the dressing room on\nhis hind legs and quite nonchalantly sat on the sofa squinting at the bare makeup lights.\n Rimsky attempted to produce a smile on his face, which made it look sour and\nspiteful, and bowed to the silent black magician, who was seated on the sofa\nbeside the cat. There was no handshake. Instead, the easygoing checkered one\nmade his own introductions to the findirector, calling himself \u2018the gent\u2019s assistant\u2019.\nThis circumstance surprised the findirector, and unpleasantly so: there was\ndecidedly no mention of any assistant in the contract.\n Quite stiffly and drily, Grigory Danilovich inquired of this fallen-from-the-sky\ncheckered one where the artiste\u2019s paraphernalia was.\n \u2018Our heavenly diamond, most precious mister director,\u2019 the magician\u2019s assistant\nreplied in a rattling voice, \u2018the paraphernalia is always with us. Here it is! Ein,\nzwei, drei!\u2019 And, waving his knotty fingers before Rimsky\u2019s eyes, he suddenly took\nfrom behind the cat\u2019s ear Rimsky\u2019s own gold watch and chain, hitherto worn by\nthe findirector in his waistcoat pocket, under his buttoned coat, with the chain\nthrough a buttonhole.\n Rimsky inadvertently clutched his stomach, those present gasped, and the\nmake-up man, peeking in the doorway, grunted approvingly.\n \u2018Your little watchie? Kindly take it,\u2019 the checkered one said, smiling casually and\noffering the bewildered Rimsky his own property on a dirty palm.\n \u2018No getting on a tram with that one,\u2019 the storyteller whispered quietly and\nmerrily to the make-up man.\n But the cat pulled a neater trick than the number with the stolen watch.\nGetting up from the sofa unexpectedly, he walked on his hind legs to the dressing\ntable, pulled the stopper out of the carafe with his front paw, poured water into a\nglass, drank it, installed the stopper in its place, and wiped his whiskers with a\nmake-up cloth.\n Here no one even gasped, their mouths simply fell open, and the make-up man\nwhispered admiringly:\n \u2018That\u2019s class!\u2019\n Just then the bells rang alarmingly for the third time, and everyone, agitated\nand anticipating an interesting number, thronged out of the dressing room.\n A moment later the spheres went out in the theatre, the footlights blazed up,\nlending a reddish glow to the base of the curtain, and in the lighted gap of the\ncurtain there appeared before the public a plump man, merry as a baby, with a\nclean-shaven face, in a rumpled tailcoat and none-too-fresh shirt. This was the\nmaster of ceremonies, well known to all Moscow Georges Bengalsky.\n \u2018And now, citizens,\u2019 Bengalsky began, smiling his baby smile, \u2018there is about to\ncome before you\u2026\u2019 Here Bengalsky interrupted himself and spoke in a different\ntone: \u2018I see the audience has grown for the third part. We\u2019ve got half the city here! I\nmet a friend the other day and said to him: \u201cWhy don\u2019t you come to our show?\nYesterday we had half the city.\u201d And he says to me: \u201cI live in the other half!\u201d \u2019\nBengalsky paused, waiting for a burst of laughter, but as no one laughed, he went\non: \u2018\u2026And so, now comes the famous foreign artiste, Monsieur Woland, with a\nseance of black magic. Well, both you and I know,\u2019 here Bengalsky smiled a wise\nsmile, \u2018that there\u2019s no such thing in the world, and that it\u2019s all just superstition,\nand Maestro Woland is simply a perfect master of the technique of conjuring, as\nwe shall see from the most interesting part, that is, the exposure of this technique,\nand since we\u2019re all of us to a man both for technique and for its exposure, let\u2019s\nbring on Mr Woland!\u2026\u2019\n After uttering all this claptrap, Bengalsky pressed his palms together and waved\nthem in greeting through the slit of the curtain, which caused it to part with a soft\nrustle.\n The entrance of the magician with his long assistant and the cat, who came on\nstage on his hind legs, pleased the audience greatly.\n \u2018An armchair for me,\u2019 Woland ordered in a low voice, and that same second an\narmchair appeared on stage, no one knew how or from where, in which the\nmagician sat down. Tell me, my gentle Fagott,\u2018 Woland inquired of the checkered\nclown, who evidently had another appellation than Koroviev, \u2019what do you think,\nthe Moscow populace has changed significantly, hasn\u2019t it?\u2018\n The magician looked out at the hushed audience, struck by the appearance of\nthe armchair out of nowhere.\n \u2018That it has, Messire,\u2019 Fagott-Koroviev replied in a low voice.\n \u2018You\u2019re right. The city folk have changed greatly\u2026 externally, that is\u2026 as has\nthe city itself, incidentally\u2026 Not to mention their clothing, these \u2026 what do you\ncall them \u2026 trams, automobiles \u2026 have appeared\u2026\u2019\n \u2018Buses\u2026\u2019 Fagott prompted deferentially.\n The audience listened attentively to this conversation, thinking it constituted a\nprelude to the magic tricks. The wings were packed with performers and stagehands, and among their faces could be seen the tense, pale face of Rimsky.\n The physiognomy of Bengalsky, who had retreated to the side of the stage,\nbegan to show some perplexity. He raised one eyebrow slightly and, taking\nadvantage of a pause, spoke:\n \u2018The foreign artiste is expressing his admiration for Moscow and its\ntechnological development, as well as for the Muscovites.\u2019 Here Bengalsky smiled\ntwice, first to the stalls, then to the gallery.\n Woland, Fagott and the cat turned their heads in the direction of the master of\nceremonies.\n \u2018Did I express admiration?\u2019 the magician asked the checkered Fagott.\n \u2018By no means, Messire, you never expressed any admiration,\u2019 came the reply.\n \u2018Then what is the man saying?\u2019\n \u2018He quite simply lied!\u2019 the checkered assistant declared sonorously, for the whole\ntheatre to hear, and turning to Bengalsky, he added: \u2018Congrats, citizen, you done\nlied!\u2019\n Tittering spattered from the gallery, but Bengalsky gave a start and goggled his\neyes.\n \u2018Of course, I\u2019m not so much interested in buses, telephones and other\u2026\u2019\n \u2018Apparatuses,\u2019 the checkered one prompted.\n \u2018Quite right, thank you,\u2019 the magician spoke slowly in a heavy bass, \u2018as in a\nquestion of much greater importance: have the city folk changed inwardly?\u2019\n \u2018Yes, that is the most important question, sir.\u2019\n There was shrugging and an exchanging of glances in the wings, Bengalsky\nstood all red, and Rimsky was pale. But here, as if sensing the nascent alarm, the\nmagician said:\n \u2018However, we\u2019re talking away, my dear Fagott, and the audience is beginning to\nget bored. My gentle Fagott, show us some simple little thing to start with.\u2019\n The audience stirred. Fagott and the cat walked along the footlights to opposite\nsides of the stage. Fagott snapped his fingers, and with a rollicking Three, four!\u2018\nsnatched a deck of cards from the air, shuffled it, and sent it in a long ribbon to\nthe cat. The cat intercepted it and sent it back. The satiny snake whiffled, Fagott\nopened his mouth like a nestling and swallowed it all card by card. After which the\ncat bowed, scraping his right hind paw, winning himself unbelievable applause.\n \u2018Class! Real class!\u2019 rapturous shouts came from the wings.\n And Fagott jabbed his finger at the stalls and announced:\n \u2018You\u2019ll find that same deck, esteemed citizens, on citizen Parchevsky in the\nseventh row, just between a three-rouble bill and a summons to court in\nconnection with the payment of alimony to citizen Zelkova.\u2019\n There was a stirring in the stalls, people began to get up, and finally some\ncitizen whose name was indeed Parchevsky, all crimson with amazement,\nextracted the deck from his wallet and began sticking it up in the air, not knowing\nwhat to do with it.\n \u2018You may keep it as a souvenir!\u2019 cried Fagott. \u2018Not for nothing did you say at\ndinner yesterday that if it weren\u2019t for poker your life in Moscow would be utterly\nunbearable.\u2019\n \u2018An old trick!\u2019 came from the gallery. The one in the stalls is from the same\ncompany.\u2018\n \u2018You think so?\u2019 shouted Fagott, squinting at the gallery. \u2018In that case you\u2019re also\none of us, because the deck is now in your pocket!\u2019\n There was movement in the balcony, and a joyful voice said:\n \u2018Right! He\u2019s got it! Here, here! \u2026 Wait! It\u2019s ten-rouble bills!\u2019 Those sitting in the\nstalls turned their heads. In the gallery a bewildered citizen found in his pocket a\nbank-wrapped packet with \u2018One thousand roubles\u2019 written on it. His neighbours\nhovered over him, and he, in amazement, picked at the wrapper with his\nfingernail, trying to find out if the bills were real or some sort of magic ones.\n \u2018By God, they\u2019re real! Ten-rouble bills!\u2019 joyful cries came from the gallery.\n \u2018I want to play with the same kind of deck,\u2019 a fat man in the middle of the stalls\nrequested merrily.\n \u2018Avec playzeer!\u2019 Fagott responded. \u2018But why just you? Everyone will warmly\nparticipate!\u2019 And he commanded: \u2018Look up, please! \u2026 One!\u2019 There was a pistol in\nhis hand. He shouted: \u2018Two!\u2019 The pistol was pointed up. He shouted: \u2018Three!\u2019 There\nwas a flash, a bang, and all at once, from under the cupola, bobbing between the\ntrapezes, white strips of paper began falling into the theatre.\n They twirled, got blown aside, were drawn towards the gallery, bounced into the\norchestra and on to the stage. In a few seconds, the rain of money, ever\nthickening, reached the seats, and the spectators began snatching at it.\n Hundreds of arms were raised, the spectators held the bills up to the lighted\nstage and saw the most true and honest-to-God watermarks. The smell also left no\ndoubts: it was the incomparably delightful smell of freshly printed money. The\nwhole theatre was seized first with merriment and then with amazement. The word\n\u2018money, money!\u2019 hummed everywhere, there were gasps of \u2018ah, ah!\u2019 and merry\nlaughter. One or two were already crawling in the aisles, feeling under the chairs.\nMany stood on the seats, trying to catch the flighty, capricious notes.\n Bewilderment was gradually coming to the faces of the policemen, and\nperformers unceremoniously began sticking their heads out from the wings.\n In the dress circle a voice was heard: \u2018What\u2019re you grabbing at? It\u2019s mine, it flew\nto me!\u2019 and another voice: \u2018Don\u2019t shove me, or you\u2019ll get shoved back!\u2019 And\nsuddenly there came the sound of a whack. At once a policeman\u2019s helmet\nappeared in the dress circle, and someone from the dress circle was led away.\n The general agitation was increasing, and no one knows where it all would have\nended if Fagott had not stopped the rain of money by suddenly blowing into the\nair.\n Two young men, exchanging significant and merry glances, took off from their\nseats and made straight for the buffet. There was a hum in the theatre, all the\nspectators\u2019 eyes glittered excitedly. Yes, yes, no one knows where it all would have\nended if Bengalsky had not summoned his strength and acted. Trying to gain\nbetter control of himself, he rubbed his hands, as was his custom, and in his most\nresounding voice spoke thus:\n \u2018Here, citizens, you and I have just beheld a case of so-called mass hypnosis. A\npurely scientific experiment, proving in the best way possible that there are no\nmiracles in magic. Let us ask Maestro Woland to expose this experiment for us.\nPresently, citizens, you will see these supposed banknotes disappear as suddenly\nas they appeared.\u2019\n Here he applauded, but quite alone, while a confident smile played on his face,\nyet in his eyes there was no such confidence, but rather an expression of entreaty.\n The audience did not like Bengalsky\u2019s speech. Total silence fell, which was\nbroken by the checkered Fagott.\n \u2018And this is a case of so-called lying,\u2019 he announced in a loud, goatish tenor.\n\u2018The notes, citizens, are genuine.\u2019\n \u2018Bravo!\u2019 a bass barked from somewhere on high.\n This one, incidentally,\u2018 here Fagott pointed to Bengalsky, \u2019annoys me. Keeps\npoking his nose where nobody\u2019s asked him, spoils the seance with false\nobservations! What\u2019re we going to do with him?\u2018\n Tear his head off!\u2018 someone up in the gallery said severely.\n \u2018What\u2019s that you said? Eh?\u2019 Fagott responded at once to this outrageous\nsuggestion. Tear his head off? There\u2019s an idea! Behemoth!\u2018 he shouted to the cat.\n\u2019Go to it! Ein, zwei, drei!!\u2018\n And an unheard-of thing occurred. The fur bristled on the cat\u2019s back, and he\ngave a rending miaow. Then he compressed himself into a ball and shot like a\npanther straight at Bengalsky\u2019s chest, and from there on to his head. Growling,\nthe cat sank his plump paws into the skimpy chevelure of the master of\nceremonies and in two twists tore the head from the thick neck with a savage\nhowl.\n The two and a half thousand people in the theatre cried out as one. Blood\nspurted in fountains from the torn neck arteries and poured over the shirt-front\nand tailcoat. The headless body paddled its feet somehow absurdly and sat down\non the floor. Hysterical women\u2019s cries came from the audience. The cat handed the\nhead to Fagott, who lifted it up by the hair and showed it to the audience, and the\nhead cried desperately for all the theatre to hear:\n \u2018A doctor!\u2019\n \u2018Will you pour out such drivel in the future?\u2019 Fagott asked the weeping head\nmenacingly.\n \u2018Never again!\u2019 croaked the head.\n \u2018For God\u2019s sake, don\u2019t torture him!\u2019 a woman\u2019s voice from a box seat suddenly\nrose above the clamour, and the magician turned in the direction of that voice.\n \u2018So, what then, citizens, shall we forgive him?\u2019 Fagott asked, addressing the\naudience.\n \u2018Forgive him, forgive him!\u2019 separate voices, mostly women\u2018s, spoke first, then\nmerged into one chorus with the men\u2019s.\n \u2018What are your orders, Messire?\u2019 Fagott asked the masked man.\n \u2018Well, now,\u2019 the latter replied pensively, \u2018they\u2019re people like any other people\u2026\nThey love money, but that has always been so\u2026 Mankind loves money, whatever\nit\u2019s made of\u2014leather, paper, bronze, gold. Well, they\u2019re light-minded \u2026 well, what\nof it \u2026 mercy sometimes knocks at their hearts \u2026 ordinary people\u2026 In general,\nreminiscent of the former ones \u2026 only the housing problem has corrupted them\u2026\u2019\nAnd he ordered loudly: Tut the head on.\u2018\n The cat, aiming accurately, planted the head on the neck, and it sat exactly in\nits place, as if it had never gone anywhere. Above all, there was not even any scar\nleft on the neck. The cat brushed Bengalsky\u2019s tailcoat and shirt-front with his\npaws, and all traces of blood disappeared from them. Fagott got the sitting\nBengalsky to his feet, stuck a packet of money into his coat pocket, and sent him\nfrom the stage with the words:\n \u2018Buzz off, it\u2019s more fun without you!\u2019\n Staggering and looking around senselessly, the master of ceremonies had\nplodded no farther than the fire post when he felt sick. He cried out pitifully:\n \u2018My head, my head!\u2026\u2019\n Among those who rushed to him was Rimsky. The master of ceremonies wept,\nsnatched at something in the air with his hands, and muttered:\n \u2018Give me my head, give me back my head\u2026 Take my apartment, take my\npaintings, only give me back my head!\u2026\u2019\n A messenger ran for a doctor. They tried to lie Bengalsky down on a sofa in the\ndressing room, but he began to struggle, became violent. They had to call an\nambulance. When the unfortunate master of ceremonies was taken away, Rimsky\nran back to the stage and saw that new wonders were taking place on it. Ah, yes,\nincidentally, either then or a little earlier, the magician disappeared from the stage\ntogether with his faded armchair, and it must be said that the public took\nabsolutely no notice of it, carried away as it was by the extraordinary things Fagott\nwas unfolding on stage.\n And Fagott, having packed off the punished master of ceremonies, addressed\nthe public thus:\n \u2018All righty, now that we\u2019ve kicked that nuisance out, let\u2019s open a ladies\u2019 shop!\u2019\n And all at once the floor of the stage was covered with Persian carpets, huge\nmirrors appeared, lit by greenish tubes at the sides, and between the mirrors\u2014\ndisplay windows, and in them the merrily astonished spectators saw Parisian\nladies\u2019 dresses of various colours and cuts. In some of the windows, that is, while\nin others there appeared hundreds of ladies\u2019 hats, with feathers and without\nfeathers, and\u2014with buckles or without hundreds of shoes, black, white, yellow,\nleather, satin, suede, with straps, with stones. Among the shoes there appeared\ncases of perfume, mountains of handbags of antelope hide, suede, silk, and among\nthese, whole heaps of little elongated cases of gold metal such as usually contain\nlipstick.\n A red-headed girl appeared from devil knows where in a black evening dress\u2014a\ngirl nice in all respects, had she not been marred by a queer scar on her neck\u2014\nsmiling a proprietary smile by the display windows.\n Fagott, grinning sweetly, announced that the firm was offering perfectly gratis\nan exchange of the ladies\u2019 old dresses and shoes for Parisian models and Parisian\nshoes. The same held, he added, for the handbags and other things.\n The cat began scraping with his hind paw, while his front paw performed the\ngestures appropriate to a doorman opening a door.\n The girl sang out sweetly, though with some hoarseness, rolling her r\u2018s,\nsomething not quite comprehensible but, judging by the women\u2019s faces in the\nstalls, very tempting:\n \u2018Gu\u00e9rlain, Chanel, Mitsouko, Narcisse Noir, Chanel No. 5, evening gowns,\ncocktail dresses\u2026\u2019\n Fagott wriggled, the cat bowed, the girl opened the glass windows.\n \u2018Welcome!\u2019 yelled Fagott. \u2018With no embarrassment or ceremony!\u2019\n The audience was excited, but as yet no one ventured on stage. Finally some\nbrunette stood up in the tenth row of the stalls and, smiling as if to say it was all\nthe same to her and she did not give a hoot, went and climbed on stage by the side\nstairs.\n \u2018Bravo!\u2019 Fagott shouted. \u2018Greetings to the first customer! Behemoth, a chair!\nLet\u2019s start with the shoes, madame.\u2019\n The brunette sat in the chair, and Fagott at once poured a whole heap of shoes\non the rug in front of her. The brunette removed her right shoe, tried a lilac one,\nstamped on the rug, examined the heel.\n They won\u2019t pinch?\u2018 she asked pensively.\n To this Fagott exclaimed with a hurt air:\n \u2018Come, come!\u2019 and the cat miaowed resentfully.\n \u2018I\u2019ll take this pair, m\u2019sieur,\u2018 the brunette said with dignity, putting on the second\nshoe as well.\n The brunette\u2019s old shoes were tossed behind a curtain, and she proceeded there\nherself, accompanied by the red-headed girl and Fagott, who was carrying several\nfashionable dresses on hangers. The cat bustled about, helped, and for greater\nimportance hung a measuring tape around his neck.\n A minute later the brunette came from behind the curtain in such a dress that\nthe stalls all let out a gasp. The brave woman, who had become astonishingly\nprettier, stopped at the mirror, moved her bare shoulders, touched the hair on her\nnape and, twisting, tried to peek at her back.\n The firm asks you to accept this as a souvenir,\u2018 said Fagott, and he offered the\nbrunette an open case with a flacon in it.\n \u2018Merci,\u2019 the brunette said haughtily and went down the steps to the stalls. As\nshe walked, the spectators jumped up and touched the case.\n And here there came a clean breakthrough, and from all sides women marched\non to the stage. Amid the general agitation of talk, chuckles and gasps, a man\u2019s\nvoice was heard: \u2018I won\u2019t allow it!\u2019 and a woman\u2019s: \u2018Despot and philistine! Don\u2019t\nbreak my arm!\u2019 Women disappeared behind the curtain, leaving their dresses there\nand coming out in new ones. A whole row of ladies sat on stools with gilded legs,\nstamping the carpet energetically with newly shod feet. Fagott was on his knees,\nworking away with a metal shoehorn; the cat, fainting under piles of purses and\nshoes, plodded back and forth between the display windows and the tools; the\ngirl with the disfigured neck appeared and disappeared, and reached the point\nwhere she started rattling away entirely in French, and, surprisingly, the women\nall understood her from half a word, even those who did not know a single word of\nFrench.\n General amazement was aroused by a man edging his way on-stage. He\nannounced that his wife had the flu, and he therefore asked that something be\nsent to her through him. As proof that he was indeed married, the citizen was\nprepared to show his passport. The solicitous husband\u2019s announcement was met\nwith guffaws. Fagott shouted that he believed him like his own self, even without\nthe passport, and handed the citizen two pairs of silk stockings, and the cat for his\npart added a little tube of lipstick.\n Late-coming women tore on to the stage, and off the stage the lucky ones came\npouring down in ball gowns, pyjamas with dragons, sober formal outfits, little hats\ntipped over one eyebrow.\n Then Fagott announced that owing to the lateness of the hour, the shop would\nclose in exactly one minute until the next evening, and an unbelievable scramble\narose on-stage. Women hastily grabbed shoes without trying them on. One burst\nbehind the curtain like a storm, got out of her dress there, took possession of the\nfirst thing that came to hand a silk dressing-gown covered with huge bouquets\u2014\nand managed to pick up two cases of perfume besides.\n Exactly a minute later a pistol shot rang out, the mirrors disappeared, the\ndisplay windows and stools dropped away, the carpet melted into air, as did the\ncurtain. Last to disappear was the high mountain of old dresses and shoes, and\nthe stage was again severe, empty and bare.\n And it was here that a new character mixed into the affair. A pleasant,\nsonorous, and very insistent baritone came from box no. 2:\n \u2018All the same it is desirable, citizen artiste, that you expose the technique of\nyour tricks to the spectators without delay, especially the trick with the paper\nmoney. It is also desirable that the master of ceremonies return to the stage. The\nspectators are concerned about his fate.\u2019\n The baritone belonged to none other than that evening\u2019s guest of honour,\nArkady Apollonovich Sempleyarov, chairman of the Acoustics Commission of the\nMoscow theatres.\n Arkady Apollonovich was in his box with two ladies: the older one dressed\nexpensively and fashionably, the other one, young and pretty, dressed in a simpler\nway. The first, as was soon discovered during the drawing up of the report, was\nArkady Apollonovich\u2019s wife, and the second was his distant relation, a promising\ndebutante, who had come from Saratov and was living in the apartment of Arkady\nApollonovich and his wife.\n \u2018Pardone!\u2019 Fagott replied. \u2018I\u2019m sorry, there\u2019s nothing here to expose, it\u2019s all clear.\u2019\n \u2018No, excuse me! The exposure is absolutely necessary. Without it your brilliant\nnumbers will leave a painful impression. The mass of spectators demands an\nexplanation.\u2019\n The mass of spectators,\u2018 the impudent clown interrupted Sempleyarov, \u2019doesn\u2019t\nseem to be saying anything. But, in consideration of your most esteemed desire,\nArkady Apollonovich, so be it I will perform an exposure. But, to that end, will\nyou allow me one more tiny number?\u2018\n \u2018Why not?\u2019 Arkady Apollonovich replied patronizingly. \u2018But there must be an\nexposure.\u2019\n \u2018Very well, very well, sir. And so, allow me to ask, where were you last evening,\nArkady Apollonovich?\u2019\n At this inappropriate and perhaps even boorish question, Arkady Apollonovich\u2019s\ncountenance changed, and changed quite drastically.\n \u2018Last evening Arkady Apollonovich was at a meeting of the Acoustics\nCommission,\u2019 Arkady Apollonovich\u2019s wife declared very haughtily, \u2018but I don\u2019t\nunderstand what that has got to do with magic.\u2019\n \u2018Ouee, madame!\u2019 Fagott agreed. \u2018Naturally you don\u2019t understand. As for the\nmeeting, you are totally deluded. After driving off to the said meeting, which\nincidentally was not even scheduled for last night, Arkady Apollonovich dismissed\nhis chauffeur at the Acoustics Commission building on Clean Ponds\u2019 (the whole\ntheatre became hushed), \u2019and went by bus to Yelokhovskaya Street to visit an\nactress from the regional itinerant theatre, Militsa Andreevna Pokobatko, with\nwhom he spent some four hours.\u2018\n \u2018Aie!\u2019 someone cried out painfully in the total silence.\n Arkady Apollonovich\u2019s young relation suddenly broke into a low and terrible\nlaugh.\n \u2018It\u2019s all clear!\u2019 she exclaimed. \u2018And I\u2019ve long suspected it. Now I see why that\ngiftless thing got the role of Louisa!\u2019\n And, swinging suddenly, she struck Arkady Apollonovich on the head with her\nshort and fat violet umbrella.\n Meanwhile, the scoundrelly Fagott, alias Koroviev, was shouting:\n \u2018Here, honourable citizens, is one case of the exposure Arkady Apollonovich so\nimportunately insisted on!\u2019\n \u2018How dare you touch Arkady Apollonovich, you vile creature!\u2019 Arkady\nApollonovich\u2019s wife asked threateningly, rising in the box to all her gigantic height.\n A second brief wave of satanic laughter seized the young relation.\n \u2018Who else should dare touch him,\u2019 she answered, guffawing, \u2018if not me!\u2019 And for\nthe second time there came the dry, crackling sound of the umbrella bouncing off\nthe head of Arkady Apollonovich.\n \u2018Police! Seize her!!\u2019 Sempleyarov\u2019s wife shouted in such a terrible voice that\nmany hearts went cold.\n And here the cat also leaped out to the footlights and suddenly barked in a\nhuman voice for all the theatre to hear:\n The seance is over! Maestro! Hack out a march!\u2018\n The half-crazed conductor, unaware of what he was doing, waved his baton, and\nthe orchestra did not play, or even strike up, or even bang away at, but precisely,\nin the cat\u2019s loathsome expression, hacked out some incredible march of an\nunheard-of brashness.\n For a moment there was an illusion of having heard once upon a time, under\nsouthern stars, in a caf\u00e9-chantant, some barely intelligible, half-blind, but\nrollicking words to this march:\nHis Excellency reached the stage\nOf liking barnyard fowl.\nHe took under his patronage\nThree young girls and an owl!!!\nOr maybe these were not the words at all, but there were others to the same\nmusic, extremely indecent ones. That is not the important thing, the important\nthing is that, after all this, something like babel broke loose in the Variety. The\npolice went running to Sempleyarov\u2019s box, people were climbing over the barriers,\nthere were bursts of infernal guffawing and furious shouts, drowned in the golden\nclash of the orchestra\u2019s cymbals.\n And one could see that the stage was suddenly empty, and that the hoodwinker\nFagott, as well as the brazen tom-cat Behemoth, had melted into air, vanished as\nthe magician had vanished earlier in his armchair with the faded upholstery. \n\n",
        "ttl": 3600
      }
    ]
  }
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